Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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