there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
