Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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