um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
