i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
