I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
