Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
