my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
