I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
