so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
