Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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