I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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