I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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