The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
