please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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