I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh god it's open bar.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
