he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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