dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
