When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
