Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I queefed so loud it echoed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
