To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
