I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
