I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
