From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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