uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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