walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
