Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
