Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
