she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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