In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
