what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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