Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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