she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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