the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
