i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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