Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
