I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
