and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sorry my hands just texted you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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