These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
