you would pick up someone in the library
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's shark week go big or go home
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
