if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
