She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
