Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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