Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
