the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
