how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
