I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
