tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We have so much sex to catch up on
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
