Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
