.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
