Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
